Let's rewind to this time last year. At this time, I had no idea about what I was about to go through or the struggles I would be facing within the next month & half. I was just starting a new job, getting used to having a large following on Instagram, and finally getting over the heartbreak of a lifetime. I felt like I was finally becoming the women and person I was had always wanted to become - so what could possibly go wrong?
In the span of several weeks I went from someone who had overcome PTSD and was dealing with anxiety and depression without the help of any medication to someone with a drinking problem so bad that the idea of going without a drink was something I simply could not do. My anxiety was through the roof. I was destroying my body, my relationships and my bank account, living life by the mantra that "you can sleep when you are dead, so lets make memories and party!"
Disclaimer: I am NOT saying I was an alcoholic or blaming anyone for my drinking problem, but since I have an addictive personality, my battles with alcohol have always had ups and down, and it will always be something I have problems with.
So it's safe to say that last year after going through a roller-coaster of emotions, my issues with drinking, and the battle with my mental health I knew I needed to make a change and find something in my life other than putting all my time and effort into work.
After coming home from backpacking in New Zealand for 3 weeks, I realized that I actually missed the gym, eating healthy and reading bodybulidng.com every single day. So, I deiced to make fitness a priority in my life once again. I figured, if I missed it, I probably missed it for a good reason, and I knew I was ready to commit myself to fitness, a healthy lifestyle, and to finally being happy.
I started going to the gym every single day. I stopped binge eating ( and drinking), and I was truly committed to something (my fitness routine - lets not get ahead of ourselves) for the first time in a couple years. Going from one extreme of being a serial binge drinker to the DD of my friend group was such a good feeling, and it helped liberate me from my mental issues and my addictions. At long last, I felt like I had control again.
I want to say the gym saved me from myself but it didn't..this lifestyle saved me from destroying myself. I fell in love with my body, I fell in love with the process, and most importantly I found an outlet and a community where I felt like I could be my authentic myself.
So, no. The squat rack or cable machine didn't save me, but choosing health over an unhealthy lifestyle did, and I couldn't have done it without the gym.